Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
