i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize