Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
