Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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