ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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