His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
