just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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