Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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