Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
