is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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