Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
