There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
