I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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