he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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