Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I think people are normalizing furries
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize