the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
