I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
