; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize
