Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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