she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
whose parrot is this?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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