You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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