On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
