your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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