I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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