threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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