Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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