No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
