god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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