it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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