So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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