there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
