Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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