Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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