Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
