Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
