I smell stomach acid.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize