I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
