Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
