I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Sorry about my life...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
