I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
