The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
