I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize