Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Im part way to drunk.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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