I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
should my penis look like a turkey
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
