yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
