'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
