can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
