I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
where are you?
Hypothermia
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
