Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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