The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
