I'm really into asian looking animals
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
