last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
