She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i now understand why vodka
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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