Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
