That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
