R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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