She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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