im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
