Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
be right there i have to get my cape
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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