that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
