if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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