I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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