I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I understand Curling. That high.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
