Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
