I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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