I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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