So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
