If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
